Me

Do you realize it’s all a lie?
Do you know it has all gone by?
Do you even know that I can go?
For tomorrow I just don’t know.
Today is a thing of the past.
I know tomorrow won’t last.
The future is just so slow.
Hope is all I know.

My geekier side of life

I can't express enough how much I do love the geeky side of life. I enjoy finding new techie (or is it techy?) stuff they've come up with, and things you can do with said new things. I want to run out and buy the stuff and try it - RIGHT THEN. Reality, I can't alwas afford it, nor can I competely grasp the stuff. So, I merely sit back and watch my Geek friends and family go all goo-goo-ga-ga over the stuff. I admire their knowledge and comprehension of how things work. I wonder when I stopped trying to TRY new things. I sit back and ponder. Then, I snap out of it, grab the new fandangled thing and give it a go.

This past Friday, I was one of the first 1 million people to get the new iPhone 4S. I had my 3G for almost two years. I held out. I wanted the new "5." Well, that's not what came out. What came out was a ramped up verision of the iPhone 4. What sucked is that everyone with that phone could now upgrade theirs to basically be the same. Okay, yes - the new 4S has a newer & more powerful processor, better antenna's, and the camera rocks my world - and that they canNOT get unless they too upgrade. But, is it worth it? YES! YES IT IS! *giggle* I LOVE my new phone. I waited and waited for it. I deserve it. I work hard, and I love my job. So, to have the new little thing makes me squee with delight. Did I talk with Siri? Yes, yes we had a conversation. She doesn't know as much as she claims in the commercials, but she's learning. The main thing I dislike about her is her lack of knowledge of Europe. It's frustrating. Okay, Apple - you're willing to sell the phone here - for the same price, or MORE than what it costs back in the good 'ole US of A, but you don't load maps of Europe on? Are you ignorant? Take a small gander at the internet usage of the world - yes the US of A is #2, BUT the rest of the world (must larger than the US, in case you were unaware) uses the internet too. I don't necessarily want or need suggestions of places to eat, but I would like to access my maps. Thank goodness for Google!

Other geek stuff - I LOVE vinyl toys. I'm not talking about those you have "intimate" knowledge of. I'm talking about toys, the little plastic things you play with or just sit on the shelf, as in my case. I have loads of them, and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I see new ones I want all the time. This is sort of where my geek and my Disney freak combine. I really enjoy my Mickey vinyl toys. They come in all sorts and sizes. I also have an unhealthy obesssion with Treeson's and Monskey's. I have more Monskey's than Treeson's but I need...okay, I want more. I also combine my kitchen witchery with my geek side. I love new kitchen gadgets. I can't get enough of them. I swoon over the newest design of one thing or another. However, the fact that the kitchen is not the biggest room in the house, I am choosy on what I buy. Oh, but that does not stop me on swooning! The fact is my geek side influences my other sides often. My photographer fights to win most battles, but when the geek world clashes with my photographer world - photographer world wins everytime. It does welcome the geek side though. It's sort of the dark side of my photography side.

I want more and more of the nerdy geeky stuff to use and shoot with - lately it's been the simpler side. After all isn't that what being a geek is all about - making things simpler?

Geek stuff

I can't express enough how much I do love the geeky side of life. I enjoy finding new techie (or is it techy?) stuff they've come up with, and things you can do with said new things. I want to run out and buy the stuff and try it - RIGHT THEN. Reality, I can't alwas afford it, nor can I competely grasp the stuff. So, I merely sit back and watch my Geek friends and family go all goo-goo-ga-ga over the stuff. I admire their knowledge and comprehension of how things work. I wonder when I stopped trying to TRY new things. I sit back and ponder. Then, I snap out of it, grab the new fandangled thing and give it a go. This past Friday, I was one of the first 1 million people to get the new iPhone 4S. I had my 3G for almost two years. I held out. I wanted the new "5." Well, that's not what came out. What came out was a ramped up verision of the iPhone 4. What sucked is that everyone with that phone could now upgrade theirs to basically be the same. Okay, yes - the new 4S has a newer & more powerful processor, better antenna's, and the camera rocks my world - and that they canNOT get unless they too upgrade. But, is it worth it? YES! YES IT IS! *giggle* I LOVE my new phone. I waited and waited for it. I deserve it. I work hard, and I love my job. So, to have the new little thing makes me squee with delight. Did I talk with Siri? Yes, yes we had a conversation. She doesn't know as much as she claims in the commercials, but she's learning. The main thing I dislike about her is her lack of knowledge of Europe. It's frustrating. Okay, Apple - you're willing to sell the phone here - for the same price, or MORE than what it costs back in the good 'ole US of A, but you don't load maps of Europe on? Are you ignorant? Take a small gander at the internet usage of the world - yes the US of A is #2, BUT the rest of the world (must larger than the US, in case you were unaware) uses the internet too. I don't necessarily want or need suggestions of places to eat, but I would like to access my maps. Thank goodness for Google! Other geek stuff - I LOVE vinyl toys. I'm not talking about those you have "intimate" knowledge of. I'm talking about toys, the little plastic things you play with or just sit on the shelf, as in my case. I have loads of them, and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I see new ones I want all the time. This is sort of where my geek and my Disney freak combine. I really enjoy my Mickey vinyl toys. They come in all sorts and sizes. I also have an unhealthy obesssion with Treeson's and Monskey's. I have more Monskey's than Treeson's but I need...okay, I want more. I also combine my kitchen witchery with my geek side. I love new kitchen gadgets. I can't get enough of them. I swoon over the newest design of one thing or another. However, the fact that the kitchen is not the biggest room in the house, I am choosy on what I buy. Oh, but that does not stop me on swooning! The fact is my geek side influences my other sides often. My photographer fights to win most battles, but when the geek world clashes with my photographer world - photographer world wins everytime. It does welcome the geek side though. It's sort of the dark side of my photography side. I want more and more of the nerdy geeky stuff to use and shoot with - lately it's been the simpler side. After all isn't that what being a geek is all about - making things simpler?

Shut UP

Yes! I said it. Shut the hell up! I'm going to piss of a whole bunch of people with this posting, but I'm so sick of this I have to say something. So, here goes. As you know I'm an American stationed in Germany as a Civilian. I live next door, in row houses, to another Ami (this is how the German's "lovingly" refer to us). Well, this Ami (because they truly FIT this derogatory term), is a typical Ami! He's LOUD, obnoxious, rude and just all around BLECH! Here's the main thing though - he married a woman that had a kid. Okay, that's not bad & I'm not knocking that, what I am knocking is her pathetic excuse at parenting. Their form of dispiline is SCREAMING at this little brat. Here's the thing - Germany is quiet. I mean really wonderfully quiet and peaceful. I LOVE it here because of that. I have a bit of an issue with loud noises. So, Germany suits my soul. Back to the Ami's - Well, I was sitting outside with my puppies and German Shepherd watching them play for a bit when out walks the sergeant all lound and singing "Rehab" at the top of his voice and loudly announcing someone named Tyler, over and over. Well, I scoop up the puppies and call Logan (the German Shepherd) into the house. As I do not like these people and I do not want to be associated with them and their loud behavior - because it is ALWAYS LOUD! Here's the thing - their little "darlin'" shreaks at the top of her lungs for as long as she can if she is told NO by step-daddy. It is a miracle in itself if mommy ever says anything, but when she does it's screaming and yelling, normally started off with "NO!" So, this starts the kid screaming again. Well, apparently the little friend "Tyler" is about the other child's age. Oh, joy two three year olds in the back yard (very tiny back yard) in a set of row houses, and now they are shreaking and screaming as loud as they can. No laughter, just screaming. Why is this considered cute? Why is this okay? Not just here, but in life? Why don't some people NOT have children? Oh, wait - step daddy just came outside and told her no about something, not sure what - maybe they weren't sharing something properly - all I know is there was suddenly a piercing sonic scream that lasted a full 45 seconds. YES! I timed it. OMG I want to throttle this child. No, wait I want to throttle the parent and the step-parent. People, your child is NOT cute when it is screaming or shouting. Teach your children to use a normal level voice at all times. I KNOW it has everything to do with how the parent(s) talk/scream at the child. I mean they are nothing but little tiny sponges that soak up all the behavior we put in front of them - right? RIGHT! Well, my suggestion - take child development classes. LEARN how your child, and everybody elses child, will be developing in life. I did this because I wanted to raise my daughter right. Okay, sure you're asking if my daughter EVER screamed or shreaked when she was little. I can tell you with 100% honesty - NO! Not only NO, but HELL NO! Again, I have a bit of an issue with loud noises. So, my daughter did not shreak. She giggled, she laughed, she even gafawed, but she did not have any reason to shreak or scream at the top of her lungs. Wait, this may be wrong - there was this one time when we were listening to 99.5 KISS FM back in San Antonio, and she was in the third grade on the way to her christian school (another whole joke and story for another time), but they used to have what was called the "primal scream" in the morning. You know to get out all your frustrations and make sure you start the day off right. Well, for the fun of it we did it one time - here's the thing though - we were inside my car with the windows rolled up and the AC on, driving down the highway. (We lived in Texas, of course the windows were rolled up and the AC was on!) But, that is the ONLY time I remember Ashlee EVER being allowed to scream. It was fun. We ran out of breath and laughed. This child next door - she's just as obnoxious as her loud obnoxious step-father and mother. It is truly tacky to allow your children to scream or throw tantrums. Sure, tantrums are a part of life, but do you have to allow them to go on & on? People, try to remember who the parent is, and who the one RAISING the child is. The one that is supposed to set an example. Yes, that would be the one that gave birth and is raising them, putting clothing on them and food in their bodies. Stop raising little clods. Keep your child at a normal level. I am NOT saying that children should not be heard - my favorite sound in this universe is the sound of a child laughing, but not screaming. So, if you're offended by this - maybe your child is too loud. Have people ever given you "that" look because your kid is acting up? Then do something about it now, while they are young. Wait until they are teens and try to control them - good luck. They've already learned they can push your buttons over & over to get what they want and they win. Be a parent and do what's right. And if you live in Germany - be polite and accept the social rules and refrain from loud noises. Stop making the Germans believe we are truly an uncultured society that doesn't care about anyone but ourselves. Think of others. OMG that felt good to get out. If it offended you - I'm not apologizing. I hate loud, obnoxious, little brats. People that put boundries on their children have the best children. I'm NOT talking about abuse, I'm talking about saying NO and sticking to it. Try it - your children will appreciate it later.

Shut the hell up

Yes! I said it. Shut the hell up! I'm going to piss of a whole bunch of people with this posting, but I'm so sick of this I have to say something. So, here goes.
As you know I'm an American stationed in Germany as a Civilian. I live next door, in row houses, to another Ami (this is how the German's "lovingly" refer to us). Well, this Ami (because they truly FIT this derogatory term), is a typical Ami! He's LOUD, obnoxious, rude and just all around BLECH! Here's the main thing though - he married a woman that had a kid. Okay, that's not bad & I'm not knocking that, what I am knocking is her pathetic excuse at parenting. Their form of dispiline is SCREAMING at this little brat.

Here's the thing - Germany is quiet. I mean really wonderfully quiet and peaceful. I LOVE it here because of that. I have a bit of an issue with loud noises. So, Germany suits my soul.

Back to the Ami's - Well, I was sitting outside with my puppies and German Shepherd watching them play for a bit when out walks the sergeant all lound and singing "Rehab" at the top of his voice and loudly announcing someone named Tyler, over and over. Well, I scoop up the puppies and call Logan (the German Shepherd) into the house. As I do not like these people and I do not want to be associated with them and their loud behavior - because it is ALWAYS LOUD!

Here's the thing - their little "darlin'" shreaks at the top of her lungs for as long as she can if she is told NO by step-daddy. It is a miracle in itself if mommy ever says anything, but when she does it's screaming and yelling, normally started off with "NO!" So, this starts the kid screaming again. Well, apparently the little friend "Tyler" is about the other child's age. Oh, joy two three year olds in the back yard (very tiny back yard) in a set of row houses, and now they are shreaking and screaming as loud as they can. No laughter, just screaming. Why is this considered cute? Why is this okay? Not just here, but in life? Why don't some people NOT have children?

Oh, wait - step daddy just came outside and told her no about something, not sure what - maybe they weren't sharing something properly - all I know is there was suddenly a piercing sonic scream that lasted a full 45 seconds. YES! I timed it. OMG I want to throttle this child. No, wait I want to throttle the parent and the step-parent.

People, your child is NOT cute when it is screaming or shouting. Teach your children to use a normal level voice at all times. I KNOW it has everything to do with how the parent(s) talk/scream at the child. I mean they are nothing but little tiny sponges that soak up all the behavior we put in front of them - right? RIGHT! Well, my suggestion - take child development classes. LEARN how your child, and everybody elses child, will be developing in life. I did this because I wanted to raise my daughter right.

Okay, sure you're asking if my daughter EVER screamed or shreaked when she was little. I can tell you with 100% honesty - NO! Not only NO, but HELL NO! Again, I have a bit of an issue with loud noises. So, my daughter did not shreak. She giggled, she laughed, she even gafawed, but she did not have any reason to shreak or scream at the top of her lungs. Wait, this may be wrong - there was this one time when we were listening to 99.5 KISS FM back in San Antonio, and she was in the third grade on the way to her christian school (another whole joke and story for another time), but they used to have what was called the "primal scream" in the morning. You know to get out all your frustrations and make sure you start the day off right. Well, for the fun of it we did it one time - here's the thing though - we were inside my car with the windows rolled up and the AC on, driving down the highway. (We lived in Texas, of course the windows were rolled up and the AC was on!) But, that is the ONLY time I remember Ashlee EVER being allowed to scream. It was fun. We ran out of breath and laughed.

This child next door - she's just as obnoxious as her loud obnoxious step-father and mother. It is truly tacky to allow your children to scream or throw tantrums. Sure, tantrums are a part of life, but do you have to allow them to go on & on? People, try to remember who the parent is, and who the one RAISING the child is. The one that is supposed to set an example. Yes, that would be the one that gave birth and is raising them, putting clothing on them and food in their bodies. Stop raising little clods. Keep your child at a normal level. I am NOT saying that children should not be heard - my favorite sound in this universe is the sound of a child laughing, but not screaming.

So, if you're offended by this - maybe your child is too loud. Have people ever given you "that" look because your kid is acting up? Then do something about it now, while they are young. Wait until they are teens and try to control them - good luck. They've already learned they can push your buttons over & over to get what they want and they win. Be a parent and do what's right.

And if you live in Germany - be polite and accept the social rules and refrain from loud noises. Stop making the Germans believe we are truly an uncultured society that doesn't care about anyone but ourselves. Think of others.

OMG that felt good to get out. If it offended you - I'm not apologizing. I hate loud, obnoxious, little brats. People that put boundries on their children have the best children. I'm NOT talking about abuse, I'm talking about saying NO and sticking to it. Try it - your children will appreciate it later.

Shut the hell up!

Yes! I said it. Shut the hell up! I'm going to piss of a whole bunch of people with this posting, but I'm so sick of this I have to say something. So, here goes.
As you know I'm an American stationed in Germany as a Civilian. I live next door, in row houses, to another Ami (this is how the German's "lovingly" refer to us). Well, this Ami (because they truly FIT this derogatory term), is a typical Ami! He's LOUD, obnoxious, rude and just all around BLECH! Here's the main thing though - he married a woman that had a kid. Okay, that's not bad & I'm not knocking that, what I am knocking is her pathetic excuse at parenting. Their form of dispiline is SCREAMING at this little brat.

Here's the thing - Germany is quiet. I mean really wonderfully quiet and peaceful. I LOVE it here because of that. I have a bit of an issue with loud noises. So, Germany suits my soul.

Back to the Ami's - Well, I was sitting outside with my puppies and German Shepherd watching them play for a bit when out walks the sergeant all lound and singing "Rehab" at the top of his voice and loudly announcing someone named Tyler, over and over. Well, I scoop up the puppies and call Logan (the German Shepherd) into the house. As I do not like these people and I do not want to be associated with them and their loud behavior - because it is ALWAYS LOUD!

Here's the thing - their little "darlin'" shreaks at the top of her lungs for as long as she can if she is told NO by step-daddy. It is a miracle in itself if mommy ever says anything, but when she does it's screaming and yelling, normally started off with "NO!" So, this starts the kid screaming again. Well, apparently the little friend "Tyler" is about the other child's age. Oh, joy two three year olds in the back yard (very tiny back yard) in a set of row houses, and now they are shreaking and screaming as loud as they can. No laughter, just screaming. Why is this considered cute? Why is this okay? Not just here, but in life? Why don't some people NOT have children?

Oh, wait - step daddy just came outside and told her no about something, not sure what - maybe they weren't sharing something properly - all I know is there was suddenly a piercing sonic scream that lasted a full 45 seconds. YES! I timed it. OMG I want to throttle this child. No, wait I want to throttle the parent and the step-parent.

People, your child is NOT cute when it is screaming or shouting. Teach your children to use a normal level voice at all times. I KNOW it has everything to do with how the parent(s) talk/scream at the child. I mean they are nothing but little tiny sponges that soak up all the behavior we put in front of them - right? RIGHT! Well, my suggestion - take child development classes. LEARN how your child, and everybody elses child, will be developing in life. I did this because I wanted to raise my daughter right.

Okay, sure you're asking if my daughter EVER screamed or shreaked when she was little. I can tell you with 100% honesty - NO! Not only NO, but HELL NO! Again, I have a bit of an issue with loud noises. So, my daughter did not shreak. She giggled, she laughed, she even gafawed, but she did not have any reason to shreak or scream at the top of her lungs. Wait, this may be wrong - there was this one time when we were listening to 99.5 KISS FM back in San Antonio, and she was in the third grade on the way to her christian school (another whole joke and story for another time), but they used to have what was called the "primal scream" in the morning. You know to get out all your frustrations and make sure you start the day off right. Well, for the fun of it we did it one time - here's the thing though - we were inside my car with the windows rolled up and the AC on, driving down the highway. (We lived in Texas, of course the windows were rolled up and the AC was on!) But, that is the ONLY time I remember Ashlee EVER being allowed to scream. It was fun. We ran out of breath and laughed.

This child next door - she's just as obnoxious as her loud obnoxious step-father and mother. It is truly tacky to allow your children to scream or throw tantrums. Sure, tantrums are a part of life, but do you have to allow them to go on & on? People, try to remember who the parent is, and who the one RAISING the child is. The one that is supposed to set an example. Yes, that would be the one that gave birth and is raising them, putting clothing on them and food in their bodies. Stop raising little clods. Keep your child at a normal level. I am NOT saying that children should not be heard - my favorite sound in this universe is the sound of a child laughing, but not screaming.

So, if you're offended by this - maybe your child is too loud. Have people ever given you "that" look because your kid is acting up? Then do something about it now, while they are young. Wait until they are teens and try to control them - good luck. They've already learned they can push your buttons over & over to get what they want and they win. Be a parent and do what's right.

And if you live in Germany - be polite and accept the social rules and refrain from loud noises. Stop making the Germans believe we are truly an uncultured society that doesn't care about anyone but ourselves. Think of others.

OMG that felt good to get out. If it offended you - I'm not apologizing. I hate loud, obnoxious, little brats. People that put boundries on their children have the best children. I'm NOT talking about abuse, I'm talking about saying NO and sticking to it. Try it - your children will appreciate it later.

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

I've recently discovered that I'm growing up. Yes, at 45 I am finally growing up. It's tough. No matter the age. Some, okay most, grow up around 17-21 when they leave home for the first time. Yes, I left home about the same time - sort of. I lived in the same town/city as my folks/family. So, growing up and leaving didn't really happen until 2008, but after two months away the Universe decided I needed to go back to my hometown. So, I did until January 2010. It was then I came back to the one place I wanted to be since 1982. I've been quite happy here. I feel like I'm "home" so to speak. That is until about four months ago when I hit that major depression. Which was a very dark and scary time. I'm not there anymore, but I realized then it was because I was truly growing up. I'm on my own, and learning to really grow up. I'm making serious decisions in life. I'm learning to fly.
I went to Ireland last year. I fell in love with the country, and the people. It wasn't that vacation kind of love - I felt as if I belonged. My friend even commented that she's never met anyone take to Ireland like I had. Well, that still sits in my soul. About four months after we went to Ireland we went to England. I felt very much like I did in Ireland, but not quite the same.
My decisions are weighing on my heart and soul. I believe I know where I belong. Now, how do I get a job in one of the two locations to live out my life? How to I leave my parents behind? I've never had a man that wanted me to be his wife (legally). So, I have nothing else holding me to one place.
Of course I do miss my family & friends back home. But, I only have my parents as far as family is concerned. I know I have a brother, but when he left at 18 he never came back into my life. He's stayed far away and doesn't even know me or my daughter, as I don't know his family either. Mutual seperation I suppose.
The question eats at me. I miss my parents horribly, and my friends as well. All I can say is I believe I know where I belong. I have to try, right? I owe it to me to grow up. Right?
This is scary shit. It's time to grow up. I'm taking the steps to learn how to do it; to learn what I need to do to get where I need to go.
Wish me luck and keep me in your thoughts. Prayers, lit candles and positive thoughts/vibes towards me growing up is VERY appreciated. HUGS!

Stop It

I have a few friends that have identified with the dark place of depression. It appears quite a few friends found themselves in this same dark neighborhood. We tend to beat ourselves up when we are in it. It has a lot to do with the depression and the self hatred - I think it is ugly and horrible vicious cycle of nastiness. That's what I think anyway. I'm no shrink - I just know my own world - VERY WELL.



I'm happy to say that since I told my self to let it go and to learn to love me I've been staying in the light, or light gray part of my world. I know the dark is there - I mean RIGHT there, but I can also see that I can stay in the light and just wave to the dark. I guess you can say flirt with the darkness, or it flirts with me.



I have noticed that we tend to tell ourselves that we are wallowing or rolling around in self pity or self hatred, which of the two I would agree with the later. However, I do not agree with self pity. I'll tell you why. If any one of our friends or loved ones was depressed we would not tell them to "stop feeling sorry for themselves." No, we would comfort them and be there for them. Be a friend, a loved one, or even a lover. We would not be ugly and tell them to "STOP, their stupid whining..."; "Get out and quit feeling sorry for themselves..." No, we would not be so mean, or ugly to them.



So, why are we to ourselves? Who do we think we are to be so cruel to our number one. The one we came into the world as, and the only one that will be with us when the lights go out permantely? No, what we need to do is tell ourselves just exactly what we'd tell someone else - "I LOVE YOU" "I'm here for you" "I won't leave you, talk as long as you need." Create a journal, and allow us to love ourselves. Why is it wrong? Who is the first one to tell us that it is wrong to care about ourselves? Why is it? It's not selfish - it is necessary for us to live, breathe, and function in this world.



So, go out - but first stop by the mirror and tell that amazing person looking back at you that you LOVE that person - and MEAN it!

Something Positve

I've been in a very dark place for the last few months. Very dark and dreary and very lonely. I've not talked about it here, and I'm not going to start. Instead I want to encourage myself, and you to find one thing positive every day, every single day, and write it down in a journal or in your blog. If you do this please post a message to me with your blog link. I promise I will return the favor and read your note. It can be as simple as a line, a photo, a joke you found quite funny, a poem that touched your heart, or something nice someone said or shared with you.



But, part of being happy are the choices we make to be happy. For me it is a daily choice. I made the choice to let go of my dark mood this past Saturday, 1 June 2011. I looked in the mirror and I told myself it was time to let it go. Oh, trust me I have serious things I will be focusing on. For instance I am going to the doctor to see if there is anything medically they can do to help me not fall back down into the darkness. It's scary down there. So, I don't want to go back. I want to deal with the mother load of bullshit I have on my doorstep and move onto a happy life - once and for all.



So, my positive today is this - It's okay to be afraid of change, as long as you're willing to look at it head on and work towards getting through it.

One more reason to love my life NOW.

Have you ever had one of those *OHHHH!* moments of epiphany? I’m sure you have. While reading an article on weight loss I had one of those moments.

In the article she talks about sleeping better because her body was getting rid of toxins. Well, I don’t eat fast food anymore, primarily because they don’t really have it here in Europe. THANKFULLY! So, my body is finally rid of all that crap I used to eat. Sure they have McDonalds and other places, but I don’t eat there except on a SUPER rare occasion. Mostly – because I just don’t like the food. I do like the McCafe’s they have, that’s because of the coffee. In Germany they do not understand the meaning of “sweets” as the rest of the planet does. Their idea of a sweet is a dry cake or piece of bread. I’m sorry Germany – I LOVE your food, most of the time, but you do not know how to do dessert. So, again, thankfully for this I don’t have that junk in my diet anymore. Yes, I’ve talked about eating better and changing my lifestyle. Well, it all has to do with living a better life here in Europe.

When I read that paragraph in the article I realized that I do in fact sleep better, and it began about seven months into living here. I mean, I, actually, this will shock some, sleep in. Yes, me! I sleep in now. Granted it’s only until 0800, but OMG!!! This HUGE for me, I’ve even been known to sleep in until 0930 on a super rare occasion. It is fantastic. I see what all the rage of sleeping in is all about. So, this is what I’ve been missing ALL of my life. So that light bulb lighting up moment for me was the toxins leaving my body, me sleeping more, me sleeping soundly – I realize it’s because I don’t eat the junk anymore. Sure, I’ve seen “Super Size Me.” I watched it in 2009 and it made me realize I was literally poisoning myself with that junk. Did I stop eating it? No! It was easy, convenient and simple food. I didn’t have to think when I bought it or eat it. Why? Because it sucks away your brain cells – LOL I’m kidding, but it seems like it does. Well, like I said living in Europe has been the best thing for my health. I’m glad I’m here.

My moment of “OOOOHHHHHH!” came while reading an article of the simple truth; I look forward to many more of these while living my life here in Europe.

When it gets tough...make scones

It's been a tough few days.

Thursday night I had a really painful bout of Fibromyalgia start up. By the time I got home from watching a movie, (we had free passes - YAY!), I was almost in tears. It's a five to seven mile drive home. My hands hurt so bad I could barely move them, the pain was beginning to circle it's way up my legs and into my back and trunk. I hurt. I knew by the time I went to bed that night that Friday's work was out of the question.

Being a photographer is the one thing in life that makes me happier than almost everything, outside of my daughter. I knwe that I would be completely unable to hold a camera, much less try to push the button to take a photo. I couldn't hold a pen, pencil or even type on Friday. By the time I called my boss to tell him I wasn't coming in I was in tears again - but as usual he didn't answer his phone. ARGH So, I had to send him an email. You can guess by the end of the email the pain I was in. I got up, took the medications I have for my Fibromyalgia. I don't like to take them every day due to the woozy feeling I get. Howevr, when I have a flare up like I did I have to. So, I sat on the sofa Friday in a drugged stupor. I watched the fairytale wedding progress through the day - it was beautiful and I loved every moment of it. Then I went to bed in pain - still.

Saturday came and we had more disappointment happen. I wasn't in pain as much. So, we ventured out. I decided when I got home I was going to make something special for breakfast on Sunday because of Thursday through Saturday.





I woke up on Sunday and proceeded to make what were supposed to be Oatmeal Maple Scones. They ended up being Oatmeal Blueberry Almond and Chocolate Scones



Here's the recipe I used, but I changed a few things:




2 cups flour
1 1/2 cups oatmeal
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 stick butter
1/2 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup maple syrup (I used Blueberry Maple syrup)
3 tablespoons sugar
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon maple extract (I omitted this item entirely as I don't keep it on hand.)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ginger (Omitted)
1/3 cup currants (optional) (I used "Cranraisin" Blueberries)
1/3 cup raisins (I used mini chocolate chips)
1/3 cup pecans, chopped (I used almond slices)

Preheat oven to 375°F. Combine dry ingredients (except nuts, raisins, and currants) in mixer bowl and mix thoroughly. Cut in butter until walnut sized chunks remain.
Add buttermilk, maple syrup and egg and mix briefly until dough comes together. Add pecans, currants and raisins and mix a few seconds more.

Turn out dough onto lightly floured board and pat into a circle 3/4 inch thick. Cut into wedge pie-shaped pieces.

Live is all about learning, growing, changing, and of course loving.

I have so much I want to say about changing and learning to live. I'll just tell you this - it's time for me to live my life. I'm going to start after 45 years.

I have had some incredible days lately. I am so thankful for those in my life, especially my daughter Ashlee. She means the world to me. She is the ONE person on this earth that truly worries about how I feel. I know she won't be in my house much longer, so I treasure the time we have now.

Life will continue to change, grow, and some will be left out or left behind. I am happy they were in my life for the time they were there. Some of these people are even family, the blood kind. However, when it's toxic - some of it must be dumped forever. So, that's a choice I've made recently - I'm getting rid of the toxic and only keeping the good around me. I can't take the hurt and meanness any longer. So, good bye to the hurtful ones.

I'm happy. I'm finally allowing myself to receive love, and to love myself. So, thank you for being part of my life.

Healthy Lifestyle

When someone goes on a DIET they start to get depressed, or hate that they can't have something to eat. Well, I took that four letter word out of my vocabularly years ago. I swore I'd never go on a diet. I never have, and don't ever want to. However, I have recently made a major lifestyle change.

I've began exercising, and *GASP* I actually enjoy it. I played catch and soccer with friends this past weekend, and this coming weekend I'm going to a festival (i.e. lots of walking) with some other friends. I love how I'm feeling, am looking forward to continuing this feeling, and the best part is I'm exploring cookbooks and websites to make new things. Ashlee has been wonderful about helping me stay on track. My friend at work has also changed her lifestyle and is eating healthy, and exercising as well. The two of them have really been helping me stay on track, want to work out, and eat healthier. My friend, Livy, just moved to Germany in January - she has been the biggest support and reason I've gone back to vegetarianism, and a much healthy lifestyle. She's encouraged me with her various and delicious food endeavors since she's moved here. Her passion for life goes into her food, and all that she touches. Ashlee and I went to visit her and her family last month. While there she made us dinner, it was magnificent and simple. Right then I realized that great food does not have to be such a pain in the ass to make.

I, now, realize I have choices when I eat and I encourage myself find recipes with lots of veggies. The main choice I've made is to go back to my vegetarian lifesytle. I truly enjoyed it, minus the lack of pork. (I'm sorry, I love pork!) HAHA

I have enjoyed being in Germany and getting to discover new vegetables. So much here is healthy. One of my favorite things on Saturday is to go to the markets and get fresh veggies for the week. I get them home and chop them up, put them in the fridge and freezer to use. I've also discovered a few new cheeses, and lots of wonderful places to explore.

The photo here was our dinner that I made from a cookbook from my friend at work. Her daughter was going through it and told her there were many recipes I'd really enjoy, she was right! It's the Cooking Light Five Star Recipes cookbook that they invited me to look through. This is where found the delicious dinner pictured here.

It's Tortellini with Cherry Tomatoes and Corn. Now, I made some changes to the recipe for me. I like lots of veggies, but especially peppers and I love to put my own twist on things I discover.

If you'd like to try the recipe here it is right from the book. I'll add my additions/substitution on the bottom.

Tortellini with Cherry Tomatoes and Corn

(Quick and easy - great for a dinner if your short on time, but want something filling and low on calories.)

1 - 9 oz package fresh cheese tortellini, uncooked (see my changes)

1 - 10oz package frozen whole kernel corn

1 clove garlic, halved

2 Cups quartered cherry tomatoes (see my changes)

1/4 C sliced green onions

1/4 C chopped fresh basil (see my changes)

2 Tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese (see my changes)

1 teaspoon olive oil

1/8 teaspoon pepper

Cook tortellini in boiling water 3 minutes, omitting salt and fat requested to cook with on the package. (Thankfully my tortellini was in German so I didn't know I needed to add that...hahaha) Add corn, and cook 3 minutes, drain well.

Rub the inside of a large serving bowl with garlet halves, and discard garlic halves. Add tortellini mixture, tomato quarters, and remaining ingredients, tossing gently to coat.

Serve warm. Yield: 6 servings, 1 cup sized servings.

When I made mine it only came out to 4 - 1 cup servings. I had smaller packages of food to start.

I used a ham and cheese tortellini, half a bag of frozen corn, instead of basil (which I detest) I used cilantro (which I LOVE - maybe it's my Texan heritage). I used a hard cheese I had on hand instead of the Parmesan cheese; I used both yellow and red cherry tomatoes. I also added an orange pepper for color and flavor.

I hope you'll give this great delicious simple recipe a try soon. It's delicious! My dinner included some freshly steamed broccolli and a glass of water. Now, I stated that you shouldn't deny yourself anything when making lifestyle changes - so, I didn't. I made a fresh batch of delicious brownies for dessert - and enjoyed one. It's all about limiting what I used to eat. For two weeks I have been craving and denying myself a brownie, but tonight I made someand enjoyed one.

I look forward to the rest of my life - a healthier, happier and more energetic life.

I wonder if I would have made these changes if I were still back home?

Blessings of healthy eating and much love to you and yours.