I've recently discovered that I'm growing up. Yes, at 45 I am finally growing up. It's tough. No matter the age. Some, okay most, grow up around 17-21 when they leave home for the first time. Yes, I left home about the same time - sort of. I lived in the same town/city as my folks/family. So, growing up and leaving didn't really happen until 2008, but after two months away the Universe decided I needed to go back to my hometown. So, I did until January 2010. It was then I came back to the one place I wanted to be since 1982. I've been quite happy here. I feel like I'm "home" so to speak. That is until about four months ago when I hit that major depression. Which was a very dark and scary time. I'm not there anymore, but I realized then it was because I was truly growing up. I'm on my own, and learning to really grow up. I'm making serious decisions in life. I'm learning to fly.
I went to Ireland last year. I fell in love with the country, and the people. It wasn't that vacation kind of love - I felt as if I belonged. My friend even commented that she's never met anyone take to Ireland like I had. Well, that still sits in my soul. About four months after we went to Ireland we went to England. I felt very much like I did in Ireland, but not quite the same.
My decisions are weighing on my heart and soul. I believe I know where I belong. Now, how do I get a job in one of the two locations to live out my life? How to I leave my parents behind? I've never had a man that wanted me to be his wife (legally). So, I have nothing else holding me to one place.
Of course I do miss my family & friends back home. But, I only have my parents as far as family is concerned. I know I have a brother, but when he left at 18 he never came back into my life. He's stayed far away and doesn't even know me or my daughter, as I don't know his family either. Mutual seperation I suppose.
The question eats at me. I miss my parents horribly, and my friends as well. All I can say is I believe I know where I belong. I have to try, right? I owe it to me to grow up. Right?
This is scary shit. It's time to grow up. I'm taking the steps to learn how to do it; to learn what I need to do to get where I need to go.
Wish me luck and keep me in your thoughts. Prayers, lit candles and positive thoughts/vibes towards me growing up is VERY appreciated. HUGS!