Monday, December 28, 2009
On Christmas this year my Dad hugged me and said, I remember 44 years ago I was in Korea and I got a phone call telling me my daughter was born. It caused the hard outer shell I have around me to melt a little. It was the glimmer of love that I cherish from my Dad.
I'm thankful to my folks for being born, and for the way in which I was raised. It's tough growing up an Army brat, but I wouldn't change a thing if I ever had the opportunity. I loved my life with my family.
This 44th year of my life is going to be an exciting one. One full of adventure, life, and love. I'll be moving to Germany in 20 days, and I'm completley stoked about it. I will be over there serving my country as an Army Civilian. I love my job, and the people of whom I work for, it is truly an honor for me to work for the best Military force in the world. They have given me the freedoms I enjoy so much. I thank them every day.
As I head into this new life I think about my life for the last 43 years and smile. I've had a good life with just enough terror, true struggles, anguish, hard work, determination, kindness, and most of all love to make me truly thankful for all I have had in my path. Without the terror I would not have had the love. Without the struggles I would not have learned determination. Withouth the anguish I would not have learned kindness, and without the love I would have not survived to this point.
I am one of those half full kind of people, and I won't change that about me. However, I hope to continue to learn and love life. I embark on this new journey into my new life with a smile on my face, love in my heart, a song on my lips, my daughter by my side, and my camera in hand.
Here are some cool things that have happened on this my day of birth...some before and some after my birth, but we share this one day. So, to the first I say happy birthday to my fellow Capricorn Elizabeth Carr the first American IVF child born in 1981.
Being an Army brat military facts always fascinate me...on this day in 1965 not only was I born but, the Viet Cong offered a four day truce in honor of the Vietnamese lunar new year. (Explains my lunar obsessions I suppose...lol)
44 years ago VP Humphrey's arrived in Tokyo to begin his goodwill tour of Asian countries.
Italian Prime Minister Amintore Fanfani resigned on the day of my birth.
In 1895 the first movie screening took place in Paris at the Grand Cafe.
1957 saw the 2 millionth VW completed today.
Iowa became the 29th state in the union in 1846,
"Cyrano de Bergerac" premiered in Paris in 1897. (One of my all time favorites!)
I share my birthday with the following people:
Elizabeth Carr, the IVF baby 1981
Nichelle Nichols is 77 today. Happy Birthday you Star Trek Goddess! (is my geek showing?)
Stan Lee is a tingly 87 today. My hero! I'll always love Spiderman and The Incredible Hulk. (Spiderman is the ONLY super hero that is a photographer by day, and the actor that played the Hulk was hearing impaired like me.)
Maggie Smith (bows and thanks her for playing such an incredible witch! See, we're not all bad!)
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Growing up an Army brat is different than a normal childhood where you stay home every year, or at least you have a place to call home. I’m not knocking it. Nope, I’d never do that, in fact I LOVED being an Army brat. I wouldn’t have changed anything in the world for the childhood I had. My Dad was in the Army for over 21 years; we physically packed and moved 19 times. I am sure I didn’t love or even treasure every move. However, I know I still love to move. It was an adventure, but to keep us tied to “home” Mom and Dad gave us the “traditions” they had growing up. You know family, friends, travel, and oh the smells of the food.
Candy, candy was one “tradition” that kept all of my family together. Everyone had something they cherished from their childhood and it was passed on to us, the new generation. Well, I too passed that on to my daughter. Some of my candy past was Lifesavers Books from my Papaw, candy canes from my Grandma, Dots and fudge from my Mom, and for me it was Pez and candy cigarettes. Now, for my daughter’s new candy tradition it is Hershey’s Kisses – the big one. I gave her one every year. It would take her about a month to eat it all, but she did it. To this day she gets one, although I can’t always find the really big ones, I can always find the medium sized ones. So, this year she got the medium size, after all she wants to be more conscious of her diet. Whatever – it’s Christmas. Go forth and make candy memories, exercise later.
I can’t wait to see what tradition she’ll pass on to her children. I hope everyone had a festive holiday, and have a wonderful and memorable New Year.
Friday, December 25, 2009
The movers were already here.
Dressed in blue from hat to their sneaker.
They annoyed and mispacked until I was all a quiver.
They took things they shouldn't and things they should.
Why do I feel so exhausted?
I wish I could sleep like a bump of wood.
There will be no rest for me this holiday season.
Although, there rarely is,
I want to rest and celebrate,
but can't seem to find any reason.
I know we'll be gone soon,
and living in the land we so long desire.
But, alas there is so much to do,
and it is there I hope to retire.
So, dig up some cheer,
and try to be merry,
for it is only a few weeks
left in this land,
with people that I will miss so badly.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
The last time they lived in Germany she was 16 years old. Her Dad had the opportunity to retire and get out of the rat race. He asked her if it was okay if he did, it would mean they would be leaving Germany in the middle of her Junior year in high school. She didn't think twice about it, how could she? Although, she didn't really want to leave - ever, she knew it was something she couldn't say no to. She felt honored though, after all how many teens are asked by their parents if it's okay if they retire, move and change their lives? She guessed very few. She knew saying no was not really an option, Dad wasn't happy anymore, and it was time to go home. So, she began to pack her bags, boxes and prepare to say good-bye to all of her friends. She looked back on all of the moves she had made in her lifetime as a military dependant and came to realization that she had moved, (packed and moved), at least 19 times in her 16 years of life, and she had just turned 16! She loved the life of a military dependant. There was no other life for her. She got to see so much!
Well, fast forward many, many years, now she's 43 years old, with a daughter of her own. Since that move in 1982 she has moved 12 more times, and she's getting ready to make another move making this 13 times in in 27 years. Better than before, but this move is back to the place she was happiest, and the place she has promised she'd take her daughter since she was a baby. They are leaving for Germany, not the place she left when she was a teen, but very close. Inside she can barely contain her excitement, but has realized how much her parents did with each move, and moving overseas is HUGE!
There is so much we take for granted when we are young. Does anyone really understand how much our parents do for us, especially military dependants? Seriously doubt it. Well, I do now and I appreciate them so much. Thankfully, they have been through this move and they understand what is needed and how much preparation is needed. They can help with must go, and what can stay. How to ship a car, and prepare stuff to go into longterm storage. WOW! There is so much to do when you move overseas.
The little girl has grown up, has a daughter of her own, and is ready to go back to the place she was truly the happiest in her life. As she gets ready what sits at the back of her mind now is - are you ever going to come back? The answer always comes back to - NO! I want to stay over there, I love Europe, my soul belongs there.
I will try to keep up my journey here. Europe is going to be a whole new adventure for this little girl in a grown woman's body.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Stop! What's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down.
I recently had an old friend tell me she has an issue with my beliefs.
It caught me off guard and angered me. When I was a Christian I never
had a problem with someone else's religion or beliefs. Does that make me
a better person? No, I don't think so, but I do believe it makes me a
more loving person. I never had a problem with someone's sexual
orientation, or the color of their skin. I will admit that I've had
problems with people's attitudes, arrogance, stupidity, ignorance, and
their bigotry. I've always, I do mean always, felt the reason I am here
on this earth is to spread LOVE.
I'm not talking about being easy, or sexually promiscuous. I'm talking
about loving everyone, the way God and Goddess have told us to. It's
really not hard to love others. All you have to do is drop your guard,
and love someone without conditions. You know that thing called
"unconditional love." This does not mean that you must believe in what
they do, or want to live the lifestyle they live. It does mean that you
love them for who they are.
For instance, one of my friends recently told me that they don't stand
up for the national anthem, or say the pledge of allegiance. Did I get
pissed off - hell yes! However, I maintained my composure and listened
to what they had to say about why they didn't do it. Then, I remembered
that is their unalienable right to do just that as an American. A few
years ago I probably would have told this person to get out of America
then, but I truly believe that we have these rights to protect all of
us, not just a chosen handful. This is also why I have the right to
believe the way I do. I'm not asking for anyone to accept or believe in
my path. This is right for me. I don't force or convert others to
believe in my beliefs. I never will - again.
When I was a Christian I believed what the preachers told me, that I had
to go out and "spread the word." Well, I don't anymore. My eyes were
opened when I took an Art History class and found out that Christians
are the ones that have primarily gone into areas and demolished other's
religious icons, places of worship, and lives in general. This saddened
me to know that I had been a part of something that was so arrogant and
cruel. I had just been focusing on the man that I worshipped, and not
the people that followed him as well.
So, now I focus on loving and being there for others, and all the other
stuff I was taught. I don't consider myself a Christian anymore. I don't
want to be associated with the followers of that religion. I think the
lessons are wonderful and you can be a good person, but for the most
part "Christians" think their way is the only way, and if you don't
follow the path they think you should then you're not living right. It's
sad really, I know it makes me sad.
So, I'll keep on loving the world and trying to make it a better place
for all...the way God has taught me to, not man!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
again in that subject. It used to annoy me. Know that my interest had
nothing to do with the Presidential elections, or the cost of
unemployment, or even the war. No, it had to do with America in general.
When did we become such a nasty country? For instance did you know that
the Pacific Ocean has an area where we throw garbage? I didn't. I'm
sickened by this fact.
Sea bound trash
So, our landfills are full? So, we have to start throwing garbage away
in the ocean? No! Given the fact that we barely occupy 35% of the land
in this country, quite frankly disgusts me to know that we're doing this
sea bound dumping. No, I'm not for filling up the land with garbage.
However, we do have this little know idea called recycling. Maybe we
should ALL start doing it. How hard is it to separate your garbage as
you put it into the bin? Buy one of those garbage cans that have three
bins, or have three bags or buckets. You know the ones your kids used to
use, but now are filled with toys they haven't touched in years. Try
putting your garbage in those. Then, take them, if you don't have
recycling in your city, to the recycling place.
Did you know that you get money, cash (mullah, deniro, cha-ching) back
when you recycle? Okay, you won't get rich on it (although some have).
The simple fact that we're throwing stuff into the ocean is completely
disgusting. When did this become legal? Good grief! There are creatures
out there that we have no clue about, and we're probably killing them
So, come on people, either cut down on the waste, or recycle. You know
that heat you've been bitching about? Well, it's due to the fact that
we're killing our planet. So, take a moment, and if you don't care about
anyone other than little 'ole you, then okay. Care to be cooler? Then
take care of the planet that you live on. Hey, the idea of living and
trashing the atmosphere of another planet is a long time away.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Yes, my folks were there for us and I had a common-law (CL) husband for about five years. The rest of her 21 years have been on our own. I'd say it w as about 75% alone. I never minded it, not for a moment. If I had any kind of thought that I would not have been able to be a good mom to my daughter. I would not have: 1. become pregnant, or 2. kept the baby. (Yes, this does mean I'm pro-choice.) So, this is about me, not about being a single mom, that's a whole other blog session. ;0)
I am an attractive, albeit voluptuous, 43 year old single woman. I've
not had even had a date in over 13 years; since my CL husband committed suicide in 1996. My priority until 2006 was raising my daughter and getting her out of high school and into college. Well, she's done that quite well. So, it's time for me to shift some of the time back onto myself, right? Not really. See, I still have to get her through college. She's got two and a half years left. She spent a half a year working as an intern for the Walt Disney Company in Florida. Then, by the time she got back home she couldn't register for school because it was too late. When the next semester came around my job was moving. So, we moved, and then two months later moved back. (Again, that's another blog.) Now, she's back in school full time this semester, she should graduate with an AA May 2010. She'll move on for her BA at one of the four year universities here in our area. Okay, so back to me right? Well, I'm finishing my AA, finally after 26 years. I do work full time, and I'm one of the lucky ones - I love my job and the people I work with and for right now.
However, this doesn't leave a lot of time to date, well maybe it does.
But, I can't seem to find a man. I'll get down on myself and think -
"hey, it's 'cause you're fat." Then, I look around and realize, no
that's not it. It's then I hear my Grandparents telling me "you'll meet him when you aren't looking /or/ least expect it." Well, I've not been "looking" or been "expecting it" for years now. No, I haven't stooped to looking under rocks, or in bars.
I'm outside and quite active for my fatty size. That's about the time I hear my daughter, and friends tell me that I'm too down on myself. Well, just because I'm REAL about being fat, does not mean I am down on myself. Do I have body issues, sure...again another blog. I do love to hike, I love to do touristy stuff downtown San Antonio - often, and I love riding rides - like Superman and other roller coasters. I have a type A personality stuck beneath the layers. Which reminds me of a
comment a co-worker said to me a couple of weeks ago, when I showed him a photo of me back when I was 17, or 18. He said "damn, you were HOT!" Ah, that little four letter word - WERE, it's a tough word to hear. I smiled and told him, I know, but I didn't know then, which is really too bad. Well, I'm still "hot," it's just that now the hot 'little' girl is inside me, and the woman 'outside' with more knowledge and love is what the world sees.
Right about that time I begin to see the new show "Drop Dead Diva." I
can relate to it so well. See, my skinny girl didn't have to die,
literally, but figuratively. She is still in me, looking me up and down in the mirror the way all you skinny girls still do me now. Funny thing is, I will catch myself doing it to them and not thinking "OMG look how fat she is," but I catch myself thinking "does she realize how beautiful she is now, and does she truly love who she is?" I become sad for the skinny girls that don't get it. I get it, I really do.
So, back to the point - why am I still single? There are men out there
that like big women. They also come in all shapes and sizes. So, where
are they? What do I have to do to find them?
I've often thought of starting a website for big beautiful people in
Texas. We're still beautiful, and have a lot to offer a relationship,
besides the numbers on a scale. Shoot, most of us know how to cook – and NOT burn the stuff we're making. We know how to laugh and mean it. We also know how to love someone without looking down on the other person. It doesn't have to be a hetro thing, mine would be, but not all big girls, or boys are hetro and that's cool. I'm a fan of all walks of life. I don't judge on who you love. That's up to you. Everyone knows what's right for them.
So, if you're between the ages of 38 to 50 and you're single, you're not afraid of a woman with some meat on her bones. You can handle being outside and walking around, or in a park riding rides, or traveling to just that one spot to get just that right photo at just the right moment. Then, shoot me an email.
Website for us lovely big and beautiful people...I will seriously this about it. It's worth trying.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The older I get the more I realize it is truly not about me. While I go through some stupid issue in life I know this, but then my mind does this two year old dance and begins to throw a tantrum because things aren't going my way. I want the world to stop and I want to say...WAIT! For once in my life I want things to go my way. I want things to be right for me. I want MY prayers answered the way I want them to be. Then I realize it's just not going to happen for me. It's going to be real. It is going to be life. It is going to, once again, bite me in the ass. It's then that I know, once again, that it is NOT about me. It is about the world, and those in it - right now.
I feel bad when I have those tantrum moments. Then, I get angry that things don't go my way. It is at that point that I realize that I have it really good. Really good! I have a wonderful set of parents who love me, and were there for me as much as they could be growing up. (Which apparently I'm still doing.) I have a daughter who is the complete light of my life. I have incredible friends who are there for me, and I them. I like my supervisor, and I enjoy working with the people I work with...what are they called? Oh, yeah co-workers. LOL On top of all this I completely and truly love my job. I'm one of the lucky people. I'm one of the blessed.
So, why do I get all wiggy and whiny? Because I don't have a boyfriend or husband? So what! I love to travel, and can afford to do it. Because I'm not rich? So what! I get money back when I file my taxes. Because I actually have to work for everything I have and have ever had? So what! I value my work ethic, and again I'm damn lucky to have a job I completely love.
Would it be nice to have all the stuff I just mentioned? Sure it would. But, I'm pretty happy. So is it really important to always get your way, and have everything about you? No! No it's not.
Be happy where you are. If you're really not, then work at changing it and make it a better outcome. It's all up to you anyway. YOU make your path. YOU choose to be happy. So it is up to YOU to do it.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I truly believe the reason MOST people voted for this man was due to the fact that he is half black. The main thing everyone is talking about is the fact that we are going to have our "first black president," or our"first African American" President. This just aggravates the hell out ofme. See, Barak Obama is HALF white and HALF black. Unless, they have found a way for men to get pregnant, and I'm talking about men that were male from the time of birth, not that woman who became a man. (Thomas Beatie, the "transgendered pregnant man".) Then, it is completely impossible for Obama to be our first "black" President. HE IS HALF WHITE! Come on give his Mom, and her parents the props they deserve for raising him right. After all his grandparents, you know the WHITE ones, raised him.
This has become a racial thing, not an issue on his values and skills. I know that I voted for him for those reasons, not his race. I don't give a damn if he's half purple...but just give the credit where it's due. He's intelligent, honorable and willing to do the job that many wouldn't dream of doing. I believe he'll do an awesome job indeed. To top it off, he also has a great sense of humor.
Okay, now that I've vented about that issue, let me tell you what I think about Barak Hussein Obama II. I think he was the best candidate that ran this time. I am glad I voted the way I did. I believe he IS the best man for the office. He has a plan on how to make things better forAmerica. I believe this, or I would not have voted for him.
I will be honest, again, that up until I hit the voting button, I was unsure of who I wanted to vote for in this election. I do know that I would never in a million years have voted for Palin. The woman was just an embarrassment. Her values were askew. How dare her "preach" on pregnancy issues with a teenager of her own that was pregnant. The fact that she found it important to tell other women how to handle their own bodies just annoyed the hell out of me. The fact that she said things that just made me sit there with a look of disbelief on my face was annoying as hell. So, McCain had you run without her you would have had my vote. However, I am glad that you chose her...otherwise we wouldn'tbe where we are on this day.
I know I will look back on this day with the same feelings I have now. I would like to come back a year from now and reflect on how PresidentObama has done in the office. I have no doubt he'll have his ups and downs. After all what President Bush has left for him to clean up is an uphill battle. I just don't doubt that he'll take care of it the way it should be. It took a Democratic President to clean up the last mess a Republican did, it's going to take another.
I'll also come back to reflect on where America, and Americans are a year from now. I wish President Obama nothing but happiness, peace, and the knowledge he needs to run this country.
It's great to see America has grown, matured, and is making mends with the people that live here now. The only people that we still owe are the Indian's that owned this land to begin with, before we all got here.
I know this country will grow and learn from all of this, I only hope that it won't continue to be a racial thing.
May Goddess and God bless America.
One more thing Mr. President...You had Pagan's vote for you too, like my daughter and me. You failed to talk about us in the religious portion of your speech. Pagans live in America too...and we vote!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Austin, Texas is one of those cities that you can enjoy alone, or as I did yesterday with six others.
You see my daughter and I had the awesome opportunity to live in Killeen, TX during this summer this year, because my job moved me from San Antonio to Killeen. Well, along the way I met some incredible soldiers and friends. I ended up "adopting" several soldiers as "my own kids." I truly love them like my own. So, every now and then I get the awesome opportunity to spend some time with them. Either they come to San Antonio or we drive up to Killeen. This time we all met in Austin. It was incredible.
To start off we all met inside the state capitol building. They said they were in the basement, in reality they were on the second floor. Funny thing...in that building if you're in the hallways you really can't tell where you are. It's when you wander into the center of the building you realize that you are indeed on another floor.
Once we found them we wandered the halls; went to see some offices. There is one guy in the building that has his office set up like an old time soda shop. No kidding! Did I get photo...no, they would not have turned out. However, I do plan on going back during the week sometime to capture the office! It was the coolest!
We went to Toy Joy, the coolest toy store outside of Archie McPhee's. All in all it was just an awesome day.
If you haven't been to Austin, or even if you have, there are some places you must check out. The Capitol building, go down Guadalupe and check out the HUGE chess board next to the library, keep going and go across the river near UT. Check out the campus, then go to Toy Joy, from there go play some frisbee golf, and then go eat at Freddies! Before you finish up the day head to Round Rock and go to IKEA.
All in all Austin, Texas is GREAT. If you know any Pagans...it only gets that much better. We had a great time. We had each of the elements covered...so they stood on the star and represented well.